How can I become a different person?

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Tad

I'm 16 and I've never spent more than a year at any one school. As a result, I almost never had any friends. I was once out going, but after an incident where I ended up reciting the wrong poem in front of my 2nd grade class, I became shy. After second grade, I didn't try to make friends when I moved to different schools. I cared about my image though, I tried to be kind and show no emotion. I bottled up what I felt so that people wouldn't judge me harshly. I wasn't social, I made no friends. I had no friends. I was starved for some form of friendship, or affection, so I became deeply religious. I used religion to give me the thing I lacked, a friend.

I'm now at school wherein I am in all six of my classes with the same nine people (more or less). I was deeply religious when I came to the school. Though I didn't want to originally, I made two friends. My friends were careful around me. They were careful not to cuss or talk about the inappropriate topics that most teenage boys are constantly thinking about (one of my friends is a girl and the other is a boy).

They knew I didn't like it when people cussed or talked about the inappropriate things. My friend that is a girl once told her friend to stop talking about the things and cussing because she didn't "want to corrupt [my] innocence". My friend that is a boy told his friend once to stop cussing saying "we have a Tad here." Although I don't like cussing or inappropriate things, I didn't like that my friends did this.

Eventually, both of my friends became distant. I found that my friends stopped talking to me in classes. I had always sat alone at lunch and in our school's dismissal area, but being ignored in class, the one place they talked to me was too much for me. I felt that I lost them both. What was worse is I had lost them to each other (they didn't start dating, they both were seeing other people, but they merely became closer friends).

Both of my friends insulted religions in my English class one day. I took offense and tried to stop being friends with them. The boy told me "I don't hate you, I just hate everything you believe in." I was hurt badly by this and began to look at my religion more.I eventually left my religion due to many things I disagreed with in the doctrine. When I didn't have friends, I never questioned the doctrine because I didn't want to lose my source of comfort. Now that I had friends, I no longer needed the religion. I left my church (the Mormon Church and no it is not a cult {though it is wrong}). I still vowed to live by the church's moral code (no swearing, no talking about inappropriate things, no drinking alcoholic beverages, no drinking coffee, and no drinking tea {I know this tea one doesn't make sense now that I'm not part of the church}).

After I left, I was still unhappy they insulted my beliefs. I didn't know how to handle friends so I gave them the silent treatment. The boy apologized quickly and instantly forgave him. The girl refused to apologize, she told me I had to apologize for ignoring her. I did. I baked them both apology cookies and brought bags of apology chocolate.

After the almost official loss of our friendship, things went back to normal. My friends continued to ignore me, and I pretended I liked being alone. The truth was that I didn't want to force my friends to do anything. I didn't to force them to accept me at lunch or in the dismissal area. They both ignored me and after five months, I tried again to end my friendships. I was going to end them both on the same day, but the girl broke up with her boyfriend that day, so I only tried to end my friendship with the boy.

The girl became distant, I think that friendship is gone.

He didn't allow me to end my friendship with him. He was kind about it. He dragged (not literally) his girlfriend away from their normal lunch table to sit with me one day. The day after, he just had me move to his normal lunch table. He told me to sit there every day saying that I was part of that social group now.

Feeling like I belonged somewhere made that the happiest day of my life (that was last Tuesday). I was talking to him earlier today. He was talking about how he still has feelings for this other girl and he might have to choose between the girl (who he asked out before, but she refused saying she doesn't want to be committed to anyone) and his girlfriend. He said he can be himself around the other girl, but not his girlfriend. Hearing him say that made me remember how he tried to be calm, not cuss, and not talk about inappropriate stuff around me. I felt guilty.

I want to change myself. I want to be louder, rowdier, and have my friend like me more. My English teacher told me eight days ago that she thinks of me as the model student. I want to change that so my friend can feel like he can be himself around me.
Well I can honestly say I didn't expect a lecture of not understanding my own theology for this question. The way I worded it may be confusing, my friends are NOT the reason I left my church. You people angrily telling me how foolish I am is UN-CHRIST LIKE. You do not understand your theology. Rather than lecture me about what my theology, you all need to go back and study your theology.
I really don't like all you religious bigots who came to my question. Most of you are doing nothing but pushing me farther away as I see how horrible the people in the religious community are.

Answer
Hey,

It sounds like you have a lot to say; I do too! My favorite place online is called www.faithology.com/community/. You can go there to talk to people with all types of beliefs, not people who will criticize you for having a lot on your mind!

I love it there and I would encourage you to go start a conversation with some people there.

Good luck!!!

How do I live a better life?

Tiffany

I'm 16, sophomore and I'm having a hard time in my life right now. I'm just so stressed about school, boys, and friends. I dont study or do bomework, all i do is lay on my bed, eat and go on my phone... In school my grades are so bad (I get a lot of b's and c's and one F sometimes I'm not in any honors classes either) and I feel like I don't have that many friends in school but I really wanna make new ones and I'm too scared to try out for a sport cause what if I get made fun of and I'm insecure about my social life. I'm really loud and comfortable with my close friends but when it comes to meeting new people, it doesn't work out I sometimes don't say hi to them first cause I'm scared that they wouldn't see me and I would feel awkward. And I recently wen into a new church with my close friend and we made friends but she's closer to them than I am. She always leaves me and I tell her that she always ditches me and she says sorry but she also bags me and says to go socialize. I do socialize with people but my friend always leaves me and I feel uncomfortable and I feel like she's getting sick of me how do I become more independent? And wen I start talking to a guy, I can talk online but in real life I'm so shy..... And I also cry almost every week while listening to music cause I'm stressed and nostalgia... It's so bad. I also like singing and dancing and whenever people tell me to dance or song for them I always say no cause Im scared of what they'll say to me or behind my back. I think I have a lot of insecurity issues and I need help with them

Answer
Try reading for self-help "The Answer You're Looking for Is inside You," Mark Prophet,
"The Great Divorce," C. S. Lewis, and
"For Couples Only," Shaunti Feldhahn. They'll help you straighten up your life.

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