fix school bag zipper image
LasVegasMo
We just found cigarettes in our 15 year olds back pack. (We were not snooping, she asked us to help her fix a zipper on the bag). She said she started smoking when she visited her mother this summer. How do we deal with this? We have always trusted her and given her a lot of freedom, but now this trust has been violated. I want to give her a home drug test to make sure this is all she is doing. What adivce can you offer.
I think a lot of our frustration is that she KNOWS how bad smoking is. She has been watching her grandfather battle lung cancer for the past 3 years. She has seen how hard it was for her gradfather, father, uncle, and aunt stop smoking (when we got the cancer diagnosi).
Yes, I am the step-mom. Her mother lives in another state. We have full custody because her mom is not responsible enough to parent. Her mom is an alcoholic. Her mother smokes. Her mother is currently married to a drug addict. I am sure our daughter is telling us the truth about starting to smoke at her mom's house. Her mom is not the type of person to act mature or responsible. Her mother probably knows and doesn't care (nor would she see any need to tell us). Her mother flew a boy out to visit this summer that we did not allow our daughter to date here because he dropped out of high school and had drug and alcohol issues. She said she felt left out when her mom and boyfriend were smoking so that's when she started.
TO "TERI M": Yes, I am the step-mom, BUT I am the ONLY one who is mothering this child. I said "WE" found the cigarettes which means her father AND I are dealing with this. Since I am raising this child and her mother is NOT in the picture except for a 4 week visit in the summer, then I do think it is my business. Her mother doesn't even call to check on her or find out about her school work or anything else about her own daughter. (she's a dead beat mom too -- we can't even get child support.) Don't get angry with me that I am taking care and raising a child whose birth mother is an irresponsible alcoholic. And she CAN'T choose to live with her mom -- the courts would NOT allow it. Her mom would have to get sober and get her life in order before a judge would even let have more visitation. If you have issues with step parents maybe you need couseling. Some of us are actually PARENTING.
We talked with our daughter's mother and she doesn't think the 15 year old should be smoking!!! This is good news, this is the most mature thing her mother has ever thought or said.
Answer
Yes, the trust has been violated, and I would not say to ignore it, but consider this: When confronted she admitted she was smoking and even told you when she started. As a mother I can guarantee that most teens when faced with this would say they are not mine, a friend put them there.(By the way , I didn't buy that either)
I admire your stand against tobacco, so many parents have told me as a parent who stands against tobacco to be glad it wasn't worse, which completely undermines my values. But you have a 15 year old child who is evidently dealing with a double set of standards, yours and those of her mother,
She has broken your trust, but she didn't go to great extremes to hide them. Insisting on a home drug test could make her feel that she couldn't share with you. Tobacco is not a gateway drug in itself. I am a mother of 4 children who were all teenagers at the same time. Due to a drowning accident, my husband died leaving me a single Mom of 3 teens and an 11 yr. old. Now my children are 17,19,21,and22. I tell you this to tell you I have had to deal with a variety of teen problems at one time or another. May I give you a few ideas that helped me keep my sanity:
When something upsets you so much, give yourself time so that you don't say or do something based more on the emotion of the moment than in reason. My children would sometimes be told "I am very mad, and you will be dealt with, but I have to have time to decide what I am going to do." They knew that was not the end of it, and I had time to put things in proper context.
Just because they have betrayed your trust in one area, doesn't mean they have betrayed your trust in all things. Kids need us to trust them, but we should not have a blind trust. I have often overheard my kids talking with their friends, and their friends have said (not knowing I could hear from the other room) "I have never done that, but Mom or Dad think I do, so I might as well." Sadly, too many times I have seen them slip into that behavior. (Especially relting to sex and drugs) Unless there are other reasons you suspect drug use(research the signs of drug use in teens) then by all means SKIP THE DRUG TEST!
May I suggest having her read the effects tobacco has on your health, your local health department should have information written for teens, and if possible make her visit and talk to people who are suffering from diseases contracted from smoking, such as heart disease, emphysemia, lung or throat cancer. If you do not know anyone, ask friends and coworkers. If that does not help, contact a nursing home and ask them if they have anyone there with these conditions who yur daughter can visit. Because of privacy laws, they cannot give you names, but if you leave your name and number they could ask patients if they would be willing to share with you and then you could be contacted after the patients have agreed. You can tell them all day, but when you see someone who is on oxygen and and can't complete a sentence without gasping for air, it puts a face on the disease. My Dad suffered from emphysemia and died my Sr. year in high school, and it took all my desire to smoke.
Realize when you remove the cigarettes, she will have withdrawals, and will find herself very irritable and somewhat overwhelmed. She will need your support through this.
Last, but not least, TALK TO THE MOTHER! You should be assured that when she goes back to her mothers the smoking will not be accepted. If her mother smokes, then she should lock her cigarettes up if she can't refrain during the visit.
Please ,while you are dealing with this, focus on the positives in your daughters life. She may feel like a failure and may be worried if she will ever regain your trust. Let her know that yu will not tolerate tobacco use, but it is the tobacco you dislike so much, that you still love her.
When you take her freedom, give a clear cut plan on what she will have to do to gain your trust and each freedom back. Don't make her think you will never trust her again.
Yes, the trust has been violated, and I would not say to ignore it, but consider this: When confronted she admitted she was smoking and even told you when she started. As a mother I can guarantee that most teens when faced with this would say they are not mine, a friend put them there.(By the way , I didn't buy that either)
I admire your stand against tobacco, so many parents have told me as a parent who stands against tobacco to be glad it wasn't worse, which completely undermines my values. But you have a 15 year old child who is evidently dealing with a double set of standards, yours and those of her mother,
She has broken your trust, but she didn't go to great extremes to hide them. Insisting on a home drug test could make her feel that she couldn't share with you. Tobacco is not a gateway drug in itself. I am a mother of 4 children who were all teenagers at the same time. Due to a drowning accident, my husband died leaving me a single Mom of 3 teens and an 11 yr. old. Now my children are 17,19,21,and22. I tell you this to tell you I have had to deal with a variety of teen problems at one time or another. May I give you a few ideas that helped me keep my sanity:
When something upsets you so much, give yourself time so that you don't say or do something based more on the emotion of the moment than in reason. My children would sometimes be told "I am very mad, and you will be dealt with, but I have to have time to decide what I am going to do." They knew that was not the end of it, and I had time to put things in proper context.
Just because they have betrayed your trust in one area, doesn't mean they have betrayed your trust in all things. Kids need us to trust them, but we should not have a blind trust. I have often overheard my kids talking with their friends, and their friends have said (not knowing I could hear from the other room) "I have never done that, but Mom or Dad think I do, so I might as well." Sadly, too many times I have seen them slip into that behavior. (Especially relting to sex and drugs) Unless there are other reasons you suspect drug use(research the signs of drug use in teens) then by all means SKIP THE DRUG TEST!
May I suggest having her read the effects tobacco has on your health, your local health department should have information written for teens, and if possible make her visit and talk to people who are suffering from diseases contracted from smoking, such as heart disease, emphysemia, lung or throat cancer. If you do not know anyone, ask friends and coworkers. If that does not help, contact a nursing home and ask them if they have anyone there with these conditions who yur daughter can visit. Because of privacy laws, they cannot give you names, but if you leave your name and number they could ask patients if they would be willing to share with you and then you could be contacted after the patients have agreed. You can tell them all day, but when you see someone who is on oxygen and and can't complete a sentence without gasping for air, it puts a face on the disease. My Dad suffered from emphysemia and died my Sr. year in high school, and it took all my desire to smoke.
Realize when you remove the cigarettes, she will have withdrawals, and will find herself very irritable and somewhat overwhelmed. She will need your support through this.
Last, but not least, TALK TO THE MOTHER! You should be assured that when she goes back to her mothers the smoking will not be accepted. If her mother smokes, then she should lock her cigarettes up if she can't refrain during the visit.
Please ,while you are dealing with this, focus on the positives in your daughters life. She may feel like a failure and may be worried if she will ever regain your trust. Let her know that yu will not tolerate tobacco use, but it is the tobacco you dislike so much, that you still love her.
When you take her freedom, give a clear cut plan on what she will have to do to gain your trust and each freedom back. Don't make her think you will never trust her again.
How do i fix this zipper!?
isabel.
Today before leaving my house for school i broke my zipper on my bag. I was late and in a hurry so i wasnt paying much attention.. This bags zippern has always been a little hard to open and closen because of the metal zipper. I really like this bag though, any ideas on how to fix this zipper? Picture below...
http://i922.photobucket.com/albums/ad65/candieesweet/6a76c9f1.jpg
Answer
I'm no expert, but I would lower the handle part as low as possible, then enter the other side the same way as if I were starting my jacket zipper. Once I got it started, I would install a safety pin at the bottom to prevent the separation from happening again.
I'm no expert, but I would lower the handle part as low as possible, then enter the other side the same way as if I were starting my jacket zipper. Once I got it started, I would install a safety pin at the bottom to prevent the separation from happening again.
Powered by Yahoo! Answers
Title Post: We found cigarettes in our 10th grade daughters backpack. What do we do?
Rating: 95% based on 9768 ratings. 4,5 user reviews.
Author: Yukie
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 95% based on 9768 ratings. 4,5 user reviews.
Author: Yukie
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
No comments:
Post a Comment